"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all.

Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it's yours." | 

Atlas Shrugged

“Sweet, crazy conversations full of half sentences, daydreams and misunderstandings more thrilling than understanding could ever be.” 
― Toni Morrison, Beloved

Burning

But don't burn me, 

if you aren't going to carry water

don't make me feel special, 

don't bother

i hurt myself and realized

i do feel pain, 

this strength i detest

which doesn't let me cry

my condition almost grotesque

i don't remember pleasant evenings

i don't remember the smile

i remember how everything seemed wile

and the strategy cunning 

caught me unaware 

in that moment of despair

when everything crumbled

what i thought was truth

was imagination

and i had stumbled

but one moves on in life

because such things though painful

are just a rife

'happens' as they say

though with dismay

but time doesn't wait

life doesn't stop

and one doesn't die

how unfortunate

one suffers

one lives

one learns

and yearns

for the times that passed by

which were almost perfect

like flowers in hell

but one should've known

this could've only been a mirage

flowers don't bloom

in utter doom

so one pays for their dimness

the imaginary world disintegrates

and you wake up

to witness ugliness

yet again.. 

Humbled

I smell the breeze, can feel birds soar

the piece of paper has carried impressions galore

but these words, their trail

miserably fail

i making me feel vain

for it happened such

that i feel much

humbled. 

Contradictions

What are you worth in somebody's life, what will they let go of to be with you, what transient pleasures can they give up to have your companionship speaks a lot about your place in their lives. So when they leave you, you aren't hurt because they aren't going to be around but because it questions the times when they were around. 

Also whatever I am today is because of my parents. This life that I am enjoying is all because of their efforts. A part of me is them. They dreamt for me when I didn't know how to dream and what to dream about. They invested time and effort and money to get us where we are today. Is that why one is supposed to respect them? Because respecting them indirectly means respecting yourself?

I have no basis to be mad at anyone since there is no cure for misinterpretation. If you can't believe a person when he says that he is a bad person and invest all your effort in designing your life with them, then it is your shortcoming and not the other's fault. You built your castles on imagination and did not base them on reality, such castles crumble sooner or later once the realization strikes you. But isn't it beautiful to have your castle for that brief amount of time? Isn't it worth the effort? What was true for a brief moment, will it remain true forever? So many contradictions. 

Ugly peace

I'll be so much at peace,
if someone tells me that love doesn't exist
we are lesser creatures,
looking at places for pleasing features
tell me it's all about sensual pleasure,
take off the mask, i am not afraid of closure
who are you fooling anyways,
we don't live in black and white but shade of greys
Yes you were a pin-up and I was a whore
i tried painting our bond with colors pure
but who has ever painted coal white
the darkness there shines bright
presuming and consuming
how long could we have persevered
we were meant to end
it was too long a pretence
to endure

Skinned animal

Sadness prevails in my heart and mind
need someone who be kind
to this melancholic and restless heart
what i'd give for someone to hold my hand, kiss my forehead
who revisits with me the paths i tread
in my brian
ohh its a desert
hot and dry and exhausting drain
of ghastly stories and unfinished tales
of unrequited love and bonds that failed
of menace and cowardice
of scheming that was too foul
of lost innocence and sore soul
like a skinned animal alive
even a gust of wind now hurts as a spike
because i've been hurt so much
and left writhing in pain as such.